covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
