I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
