She is in my trunk
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
