she smelled like a LAN party
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she peed on how many people?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
