i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
