Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
