Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
