ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
