He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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