I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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