Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
