i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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