When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
