So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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