Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
