I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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