You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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