Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
