Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
