I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
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Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
