last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize