Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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