I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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