i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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