It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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