If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize