I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
