she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I think I am morally bankrupt
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize