she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
