I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
