GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
