Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
