i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
