She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
