We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
