I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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