I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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