Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
