last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
