Hey man sorry I got all grabby
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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