I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
