her facebook's as public as her vagina
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
