I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
