SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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