i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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