im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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