she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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