Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
