i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
