I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
