I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
