he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
