Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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