your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
