gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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