i permit you to call me
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
