Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
