I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We have started to decorate penises.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
