So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
