I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
