I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
