So drunk its hurt
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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