I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
