Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
